My Precious Heart Hugger - Ellie
Tears are still flowing as I think of you. You were my beautiful, precious heart hugger, and I don't understand your death. So many unanswered questions. Yes, I'm supposed to accept it, but I can't—my heart is so broken. You and Elsie were inseparable like no other joeys I have ever had. You were so strong-willed and independent. You took Elsie places, but you were ALWAYS together. You would both come in every day for a bottle and give Mummy a huge heart hug, sometimes staying overnight in the pen, but mostly, you were beautiful, carefree, happy, independent joeys. I thought you were too little, but you girls had each other, and nothing else mattered much.
When you were separated, like when the fence went up and you were on opposite sides, I could hear your cries. You couldn't bear to be apart. If you lost each other, usually it was Elsie who would come home crying for her Ellie. Jaffa was your protector for many months until you decided you were big enough not to have a protector. Elijah used to hang around with you, but you girls had each other, and that was enough, so he found new friends.
Then you both came home one day. I could see you weren't happy, just thought you were tired. That night, as I went into the enclosure to check on you, I saw you hunched over in pain. I brought you inside and cuddled you on my lap. I could see your breathing was labored. I called the vet and took you in for emergency surgery to relieve the pressure on your lungs. I brought you home again, so many stitches, but you were so brave. It didn't take long, and you were on your feet, wandering around. I was told it was okay for you to go into the pen again. You were no longer an inside joey, and I thought you would be happier in the pen. Just a short visit a couple of times a day and then longer as time went on. I checked on you every hour. You were moving around, grazing, being with Elsie and Jaffa, lying down and resting. You still came inside and slept next to me every night. When I sensed you were in pain, you were given pain injections. I was giving you bottles again every 3 to 4 hours with anti-inflammatories and pain meds. You seemed so happy and content.
Then one morning, you couldn't stand and were throwing yourself all over the place. I grabbed you and brought you inside and sedated you. I thought maybe you had an infection, but your temp wouldn't even register on the thermometer. I tucked you deep into your big fluffy bag and put a blanket around you. I called the vet, and at 5 am, we were back at the hospital. Your temperature was so low; we packed heat packs around you, put you on IV fluids, and took blood samples. Results showed you had capture myopathy, high potassium levels and acute renal failure. I could have continued trying to save you, but I took the vet's advice that you were in a lot of pain and continuing your life would be cruel.
You left this world in my arms, covered in my tears.
Ellie, my heart is shattered into a million pieces without you. The emptiness and pain I feel are indescribable. Every moment without your presence is a reminder of the joy and love you brought into my life. I can't fathom a world where you're not here to give me those precious heart hugs, and the thought of never seeing your beautiful, independent spirit again is unbearable. My days are filled with memories of you and Elsie together, and my nights are haunted by the void left in your absence. I don't know how to move forward with this gaping wound in my heart, but I will forever cherish the moments we shared. You will always be my precious heart hugger, and my love for you will never fade.
Ellie, your absence has also left a deep void in Elsie’s life. She has been so sad without you, but she's finding some solace with Jaffa, Jedda, and Jassie. They all gather around her, offering the comfort and companionship that only your presence used to provide. Despite her sorrow, Elsie stays close to me, never far from my side, and continues to give me those precious heart hugs that you both used to share. Her presence is a huge source of comfort to me, and in her, I see the strength and spirit that you embodied. We are all trying to navigate this grief together, holding on to each other as we move forward without you.
